By Victoria Stokes:
Why did you join parkrun? Maybe you came along to work on your fitness or perhaps you wanted to get back into running. Or maybe it was finding a new community that brought you to parkrun. For any of those reasons and more, parkrun is the perfect place for you! But not all of us find it easy to strike up conversation or express ourselves around people we don’t know. So, if making new friends is your goal, how can you embrace the social aspect of parkrun and forge genuine, lasting friendships?
Life-Long Friendships.
Leanne Alston, an avid parkrunner, says the trick is really not to overthink the whole thing. “You can’t really prepare for a conversation because you never know what might happen or come up,” she admits. “Instead, just focus on what is going on around you, rather than what might be going on in your head”. That way, the conversation will happen much more naturally.
At her own very first parkrun, Leanne followed her own advice: “I realised that I didn’t know where the start of the event was, so I asked for directions from a lady in running gear – correctly assuming she was also a parkrunner – and we chatted as she showed me the way.”
Each week, Leanne started to recognise and get to know her fellow parkrunners. “I would see the same lady every Saturday morning,” she remembers. “In no time at all we got chatting. She introduced me to her husband and some of their friends who would also walk, run or volunteer on Saturday mornings. We would all chat about our parkruns and about any events we were thinking of entering. It was always a nice start to our mornings and it motivated me to keep attending so I could catch up with their news.”
Over time, Leanne and her fellow parkrunners became good friends and even began travelling together to events all over the country. They started socialising outside of parkrun, meeting up and celebrating life events. “These were people I might never have met outside of parkrun, so I’m very grateful for the opportunities it gave me to meet lots of amazing people” she says.
Quashing Your Nerves.
Of course we’d probably all love to make new friends like Leanne did, but might lack the confidence to start chatting like she did. If you feel like that – don’t worry! It’s totally normal. Loads – perhaps even most people – feel nervous about striking up a conversation with someone they don’t know.
In fact psychotherapist and anxiety expert Kamalyn Kaur says that is because it triggers one of our most common fears: fear of rejection. “You might worry that the other person won’t be interested in talking, may respond coldly or won’t engage in the conversation,” she explains.
Fortunately, there are actually a few simple tricks that can help ease those nerves. “Breathe out, then take a deep breath in through your nose. Do that a few times, until you feel calmer and connected to your breathing,” Kaur advises. “Keep focusing on your breathing and, as you do, drop your shoulders down, as this helps relax your body.”
As well as calming your breathing, make sure you aren’t letting yourself repeat negative thoughts – things like “what am I doing here” or “I don’t belong here”. Kaur suggests looking out for these self-critical thoughts and replacing them with ones that make you feel more confident. “Ask yourself: what would I say to a loved one if they were feeling the way I am feeling right now?” she advises.
Conversation Starters.
Who hasn’t found themselves wanting to start conversation but with no idea what to talk about? It’s incredibly common! But if you’re at a parkrun and suddenly !nd yourself tongue-tied, don’t “et. There are loads of simple ways to get a conversation going before, during and after the event. Before a parkrun, Leanne suggests simply asking people around you if they’ve done parkrun before. “If they haven’t, you can be new together. If they have, ask them to tell you all about the course and how they have found it,” she advises.
Volunteering is also a great way to meet people. You can ask your fellow volunteers if it’s their first time, if they have a role they recommend you try, or what they love most about the whole experience. And if you decide to walk or run, turn to the people next to you at the start and wish them well. “Don’t forget to catch them again at the end to see how they got on,” Leanne suggests.
During the parkrun itself can even be a good time to make friends too. “Offer some encouragement to those around you,” Leanne advises. “It might not turn into a conversation, but it’s all part of the experience in creating opportunities to talk to new people.”
If you’ve gone through the finish funnel remember not to dash straight off! With moods soaring and endorphins pumping, it’s a prime time for making friends – and you might well find that the feeling of accomplishment has boosted your confidence. Why not ask people how they found the event; find out whether they walked, ran or volunteered, and what they liked best about the experience. “If you can’t find anyone to chat with,” Leanne suggests, “go find a spot on the course to clap and cheer for the people finishing after you. You will be remembered by those who got over the line because of you!” If you’re feeling bold, you might like to tell people that you hope to see them again next week, before you head off.
Keeping the Connection Going.
Friendships are forged when you find common ground. But while starting a conversation is one thing, keeping it going is quite another. So, what should you do if you’ve got chatting, but then there’s an awkward lull in conversation?
The key thing is to remember that conversation involves two (or more) people – it’s not all on you to keep it going. Kaur advises using open-ended questions, so the other person can naturally elaborate on their answer. For example, “How did you get into parkrun?” is a great question as lots of people want to tell their own story. Your own nerves can be distracting, but try to make sure you are actively listening to what the other person is saying. “Be on the lookout for shared interests that you can build on,” advises Kaur. That common ground will help establish a connection naturally.
It can really help to remember that parkrun is an event that is founded on community. It’s about bringing people together and everyone at parkrun already shares common goals. “Just remember that parkrun people are friendly people,” says Leanne. “They love parkrun and they want you to love it too.”
So don’t let those nerves win: show up at parkrun, take an interest in your fellow parkrunners consistently and you’ll be well on your way to making friends. You’ve got this!
